When I took the vows for better or worse, I meant them. Then I
started to wonder if there was a limit as to how much worse I was
supposed to endure.
Am I supposed to stay if worse means that me and
my daughter are in danger? What if the worse was because of a mental
illness? When is enough simply too much?
This is a different
kind of love story. Read Nina’s journals for a tale of hope,
strength of spirit, and unconditional love.
I remember when I met Shane. He
was several years younger than I was, but he seemed much more
together, and so much more mature than my almost ex-husband. Here
was a man who had a career. Shane had been in the same field
for ten years, employed by the same company that entire time. He
owned his home and drove a nice new truck. As a neighbor, I had
watched him maintain his lawn, service his vehicle, do all those
things that men were supposed to do. Even the interior of the
residence was neat, despite having two really lazy roommates.
We dated for a while growing closer and
closer. Finally, he made some admissions that touched my cold,
brittle heart…
Shane: No one knows me as well as you
do. No one has ever been allowed to get this close.
It was such an honor, and soon I was so
crazy in love that I knew...I knewnothing could tear us apart.
For a while, it seemed that we were destined to be together,
forever. He made me feel safe and loved. Every moment
spent together was incredibly special. That’s why I vividly
recall one night when we were alone in the house and Shane was
walking around without a shirt on. He loved showing off his
muscular physique. Honestly, I loved seeing it, loved touching
his bare skin. In that moment, he leaned his back against the
counter and faced me. Without thinking, I walked into his open
arms, inhaled his scent to imprint it upon my soul, and kissed the
broken heart tribal tattoo on his chest.
Shane: Are you trying to heal my broken
heart?
Shaking my head, I responded.
me: Nope. Just loving you.
Shane: Good. It can’t be fixed.
He looked down and instead of wrapping
me up in those muscular arms and pulling me closer to his washboard
abs and ample pecs, he stiffened and stood straight.
Shane: Sometimes, I think you are only
attracted to me because you want to fix me.
His demeanor had me tensing up.
Somehow, I knew what I said next was going to be really
important. Shaking my head, I found the words I sought.
me: Baby, until I got to know you, I
didn’t even know you were broken.
That softened him. My words
worked. They were magic. He admired my ability to
communicate, to speak eloquently, and to make an impact through
simple speech. Words did not come easily for him.
He held me close. Bending his
head, his chin in my hair, he finally spoke what was clearly
bothering him.
Shane: You make me want to be a better
man, but I don’t want to change. What are we going to do
about that?
With my chin on his chest, staring up
into his pained eyes, I told him the truth. There was only one
way I knew to make this work.
me: I’m going to love you through it.
No matter what, I promise I’ll love you the best I can with
all that I am.
I meant it, too.
Must be he liked my response because
within seconds, his lips closed the distance to mine. That
kiss. That love.
That was five years ago.
Life has changed, much different from what I knew...all because I said, ‘I do.’
Playlist for Shards of My Heart
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Her journey of elf-discovery and recovery has barely begun and she faces it with her head held high, her shoulders back, a smile on her face, and hope in her heart. Every day of her life seems to bring new adventures, some bigger, better, shinier and prettier than others.
For fun, she spends time with those she cares about, cooks,
reads, writes, and especially lives to travel. The current travel
goal: visit every Margaritaville. Three down! (Eleven to go?)In May, Nicki started the blog Stories and Swag to promote authors. Several months later, she started Stories and Swag Tours, a blog tour company offering cover reveals, release blitzes, release parties on Facebook, and blog tours. In addition, she started Dominatrix Publishing, a boutique publishing company, to help other authors achieve publishing success.
Her writing can also be found on Shine, where she is a Shine Parenting Guru and an award winning Yahoo! Contributor on YourWisdom as the relationship and dating expert. In addition, she has been published by McClatchy News in their syndicated papers.
Her books can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Apple, and Smashwords in ebook, paperback, and even some audiobooks.
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